Chapter Five.
Harmony in Conflict.
The more we agree on, the less we fight about.
W e will continue to use the home as the scenario we can all relate to but I remind you to alter the title of parent and child to suit any position involving an authority figure, and regard the parent to parent relationship as applying to any adult to adult situation. However, we all have an interest in solving problems at home, if only because of the affect home relationships can have on our overall happiness.
As parents, we provide living examples for our children about how to build loving relationships; commit to relationships; resolve conflicts in relationships; and maybe how to end a relationship. The emotions of parents don’t dictate how the kids will feel but certainly has a big influence on them. When the parents are happy, the kids tend to be happy, but if the parents’ emotions are in constant turmoil, the kids can become unhappy and confused, and may misbehave as a result. And if the relationship breaks up, the kids might feel that they caused it. We therefore need to realise that what is happening between us as people very much affects our job as parents. We are the primary role models for our kids when it comes to resolving relationship problems.
Some parents find it difficult to talk to each other about anything without fighting, and therefore can’t agree on how the kids should be treated. Parents may not be supporting each other’s decisions, or they may be competing with each other for the loyalty and affection of the kids. Kids quickly pick up on this and may use it to their advantage, or start to play up from being unhappy about the fighting.
We only have one chapter in which to discuss being good role models for sorting out relationship problems but keep in mind that most of what is written in other chapters about the parent/child relationship applies to all relationships. The scenario described below is one that most of us can relate to in some way, either because we have lived it or know someone who has. It is broken up into three questions:
* What sort of relationship do we have now?
* What sort of relationship do I want to be in?
* What can I do to change the relationship?
And then look at the guidelines we can all use for creatively responding to conflict in any sort of relationship.
CHAPTER HEADINGS.
HARMONY IN CONFLICT .................................................................................87
WHAT SORT OF RELATIONSHIP IS IT NOW? ..................................................88
A simple but common scenario.
Assessing where we are at.
WHAT SORT OF RELATIONSHIP DO I WANT? ....................................................91
WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THE RELATIONSHIP? ..........................................92
DISCOVER THE CREATIVE SIDE OF CONFLICT ...........................................95
What can I do right now?
Focus on the problem.
The art of criticising.
GUIDELINES FOR CREATIVELY RESPONDING TO CONFLICT.............................101
Respect the other person and yourself.
Listen until the other person's views are understood.
Be open and honest about your own views.
Make agreements both can live with.
Go to Chapter Six.
W e will continue to use the home as the scenario we can all relate to but I remind you to alter the title of parent and child to suit any position involving an authority figure, and regard the parent to parent relationship as applying to any adult to adult situation. However, we all have an interest in solving problems at home, if only because of the affect home relationships can have on our overall happiness.
As parents, we provide living examples for our children about how to build loving relationships; commit to relationships; resolve conflicts in relationships; and maybe how to end a relationship. The emotions of parents don’t dictate how the kids will feel but certainly has a big influence on them. When the parents are happy, the kids tend to be happy, but if the parents’ emotions are in constant turmoil, the kids can become unhappy and confused, and may misbehave as a result. And if the relationship breaks up, the kids might feel that they caused it. We therefore need to realise that what is happening between us as people very much affects our job as parents. We are the primary role models for our kids when it comes to resolving relationship problems.
Some parents find it difficult to talk to each other about anything without fighting, and therefore can’t agree on how the kids should be treated. Parents may not be supporting each other’s decisions, or they may be competing with each other for the loyalty and affection of the kids. Kids quickly pick up on this and may use it to their advantage, or start to play up from being unhappy about the fighting.
We only have one chapter in which to discuss being good role models for sorting out relationship problems but keep in mind that most of what is written in other chapters about the parent/child relationship applies to all relationships. The scenario described below is one that most of us can relate to in some way, either because we have lived it or know someone who has. It is broken up into three questions:
* What sort of relationship do we have now?
* What sort of relationship do I want to be in?
* What can I do to change the relationship?
And then look at the guidelines we can all use for creatively responding to conflict in any sort of relationship.
CHAPTER HEADINGS.
HARMONY IN CONFLICT .................................................................................87
WHAT SORT OF RELATIONSHIP IS IT NOW? ..................................................88
A simple but common scenario.
Assessing where we are at.
WHAT SORT OF RELATIONSHIP DO I WANT? ....................................................91
WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THE RELATIONSHIP? ..........................................92
DISCOVER THE CREATIVE SIDE OF CONFLICT ...........................................95
What can I do right now?
Focus on the problem.
The art of criticising.
GUIDELINES FOR CREATIVELY RESPONDING TO CONFLICT.............................101
Respect the other person and yourself.
Listen until the other person's views are understood.
Be open and honest about your own views.
Make agreements both can live with.
Go to Chapter Six.
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